Wealth

I was reading my Bible today, tonight really, and I was just kind of roaming through the Psalms, and it felt like a weight had been taken off my shoulders. I've been a little behind on my devos, and that isn't fair to God or to myself. I wouldn't ignore my best friend for days on end, so why is it okay if I do it to God? It isn't. But anyways, I was just roaming through, and I realized how happy it made me to just spend time in the Word. I kept reading and re-reading Psalms 39-42. And my initial thought after reading them was "Oh snap!" I didn't know what to do with all of the thoughts running through my head. I just wanted to run around and show someone. But being as I was in my car at eleven pm, that wasn't really an option. But I have the wonderful web at home, where I can post these things, and where they are available for the approximate .0000000001 percent of the population who might stumble across this blog. So yes, I think I am going to start at Psalm 39 and work my way through to Psalm 42 in the next few days. Come join me as I read through them and share thoughts.

"For the director of music. For Jeduthun. A psalm of David.
I said, 'I will watch my ways
and keep my tongue from sin;
I will put a muzzle on my mouth
as long as the wicked are in my presence.'
But when I was silent and still,
not even saying anything good,
my anguish increased.
My heart grew hot within me,
and as I meditated, the fire burned;
then I spoke with my tongue:
'Show me, O Lord, my life's end
and the number of my days;
let me know how fleeting is my life.
You have made my days a mere
handbreadth;
the span of my years is as nothing before
you.
Each man's life is but a breath.
Man is a mere phantom as he goes to and fro:
He bustles about, but only in vain;
he heaps up wealth, not knowing
who will get it.
But now, Lord, what do I look for?
My hope is in you.
Save me from all my transgressions;
do not make me the scorn of fools.
I was silent; I would not open my mouth,
for you are the one who has done this.
Remove your scourge from me;
I am overcome by the blow of your hand.
You rebuke and discipline men for their sin;
you consume their wealth like a moth--
each man is but a breath.
Hear my prayer, O Lord,
listen to my cry for help;
be not deaf to my weeping.
For I dwell with you as an alien,
a stranger, as all my fathers were.
Look away from me, that I may rejoice again
before I depart and am no more.'"
--Psalm 39

I'm not sure where to begin on this one. I think I will spend some time on the broad topic first, and then maybe touch on the smaller more intricate points.

The overarching theme of this passage seems to be the sheer temporary reality of life. David is in anguish over this. He seems to realize that a life with wealth, with all the pleasures that money can buy is meaningless. "He bustles about, but only in vain; he heaps up wealth, not knowing who will get it." I think a lot of people discredit passages like this in the Bible, because often they forget where the words are coming from. "They were never wealthy. They were supposed to be poor as Christians so how can they know anything about my life, my wealth, my situation?" To this I say several things. One, look at who this Psalm is coming from. It is coming from David, one of the wealthiest men alive at this point in time (predecessor to Solomon, one of the wealthiest men in history). Two, David was wealthy because he was blessed by God, because (for the most part), he was a man after God's own heart. I'm not saying that people who struggle with their finances are not blessed, or are cursed by God, I'm just pointing out that when God anointed David as king, that was kind of part of the whole deal. So I believe that David has a very valid point as he looks around as his wealth that he has amassed, and wonders at the sheer meaninglessness of it after death.

David is focused on how short our lives are. Truly, he is right, our lives are a mere flicker in time, a blink of an eye in the span of things. So where do you find self meaning in this, in the sheer temporary meaninglessness of life? I love how poetic David is with these words. "Each man's life is but a breath. Man is a mere phantom as he goes to and fro." Seriously, it's like a good book you just can't stop thinking about. The imagery behind those words is so potent. "A mere phantom." Wow.

And so David asks, in a manner of speaking, where to go from this point. "But now Lord, what do I look for?" What are you supposed to do when you are suddenly slammed with the temporariness of life? What are you supposed to do when you realize that everything you have, your wealth, is meaningless, that in the end it means absolutely nothing? Truly, in a material world, once you make that realization, you are slammed with depression. I really believe that that is a huge source of our American depression today. Sooner or later, people realize that material things are worthless. Yes, they have monetary value, and to some extent they can bring satisfaction, but it is a very temporary satisfaction, and one that leaves you hungry for more. But the more you buy, the more you want, and it leaves you forever unsatisfied, and you can't understand why it isn't getting better. And so you spiral in that consumer-materialistic hole that we the market and media has become so adept at exploiting. "Buy this, it will make you beautiful, you'll be happy, you'll be satisfied, you'll look good, affluent." But once the initial brightness of it wears off, you're left with nothing at all, and you're back at square one. Actually, you're behind square one, because now you have to deal with failed expectations. So if that obviously doesn't work, than what are we supposed to look for?

"My hope is in you." Simple, short, to the point. This reminds me of one of my favorite verses:

"I remember the days of long ago;
I meditate on all your works
and consider what your hands have done.
I spread out my hands to you;
my soul thirsts for you like a parched land.

Answer me quickly, O Lord;
my spirit fails.
Do not hide your face from me
or I will be like those who go down to the pit.
Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,
for I have put my trust in you.
Show me the way I should go,
for to you I lift up my soul."
--Psalm 143:5-8

My soul thirsts for you.

I'm not going to deny it; I like the finer things in life. If I had the money, I would probably be one of those people who buys top of the line without a second thought, who always choses QUALITY over QUANTITY. Show me two nearly identical things, and ask me which one I like better, I will pick the more expensive item every time, without knowing the price, but on instinct alone knowing it is the better quality. But, I don't have that kind of money, so I am forced to live like the pauper college student I am. In the American sense. I know I have it good compared to the rest of the world. But stay with me.

I love expensive things, and if I could, I would totally buy nice expensive things, but my happiness doesn't rely on that. I totally desire really nice clothes, a nice car, a new phone, but those things don't define me, because when it comes to it, my soul doesn't thirst for clothes, money and cars, my soul thirsts for something that nothing on this earth can satisfy. And you know what? I wouldn't have it any other way. I don't want to be hopeless because nothing here will ever truly make me happy. I don't ever want to struggle from meaning, flit from religion to religion trying to find one that makes sense, that fits into my view of self but without truly explaining what I am feeling. I don't want to be left with that ragged empty hole inside that tells me I am never good enough, that there is nothing to make me feel whole.

This world is temporary. I am temporary. But I have hope. I have purpose. I have meaning. I don't live my life in vain, and I don't have to bustle around, "heaping up wealth, not knowing who will get it." If I amass wealth, awesome, that's super convenient, but it's not a deal breaker for my life. Either way, I am going to live a life filled with joy, and filled with purpose, filled with hope. And that is worth more to me than wealth any day of the week.

I realize that there is so much more to touch on in that passage, but this is just what popped out at me. The temporariness of life, and how the weight of it should crush us, but the redeeming hope that we have in the Lord.

But now, Lord, what do I look for???

My HOPE is in YOU.


Amen.