Trust in the Lord

By nature, I am not a patient person. I'm quick, I like to be precise, I like to plan, I like to know things way ahead of time. I don't like to wait. And when I say I don't like to wait, that's like the understatement of the century. This is part of my basic nature, and, I think it is part of human nature. We don't like waiting, we don't like the unknown of the future. But then, there is God, who has His own, perfect plan for our lives, a plan which is far superior and surpasses any understanding we ever could have. Often, when we ask for direction from God, we want a yes or no answer, right away (and preferably the answer we want to hear). But that often just isn't the case. Often, the question can't be answered with a simple yes or no. And then there is the "not now" response. That's the one that drives me nuts.

I've heard a quote for many years from many different Christians. It goes something like this, "God will always answer with a yes, a no, or a not now." I think that's true. God doesn't play mind games. He doesn't throw "maybes" at you to see how you will handle a situation. That just isn't how He works. But we can handle a definitive yes or no quite well. It's the "not nows" that really get us.

That's where I'm at right now. There was something I really wanted to do, something I've wanted to do for years, and there was an opportunity for me to fulfill that desire. When I started praying about it back in November/December, God was pretty quick to give me the answer, but I fought it. I think I was waiting for God to suddenly change his mind, like he would all of a sudden say, "Just kidding! I just wanted to test you out and see if you were actually ready or not. Congratulations!" But instead the words I got from God for what I was desperately seeking were, "Not now. Now is not the right time. I know you want it, so much, but not now. I have another plan for you."

To revert back to the dramatic hyperbole of my younger years for a moment...Death to my soul. Not now? Not now? Come on, God! What is that? If it's going to happen regardless why does the time matter? Now is better than later, right? My brain was screaming in not so quiet of a way, "NOT NOW??? WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO ME???"

There are many reasons, in His infinite wisdom, most of which I cannot at this moment in time see. And while I don't think this is the key reason, the thing that comes to my mind is Patience. A lesson from all of this is Patience. A lesson from all of this is Trust. Trust in the fact that God has a plan for me, trust that he will take care of me and those I love, trust that He will provide. Both concepts are so difficult for me that they take the appearance of the foreign. Because the fact of the matter is I so often doubt that I will be taken care of, that there is an ultimate plan for my life. I am impatient because I lack trust that God will take care of me, that I will be able to accomplish everything if I don't just do it all myself. Logically, I know that I am so precious to Him, that He has me in His hands, but sometimes my mind plays tricks. It reverts back to the fears and cares of the world. If I don't get it done, who will? If I don't plan this out perfectly, it will never happen.

And then, there are these verses:

"Let love and faithfulness never leave you;
bind them around your neck,
write them on the tablet of your heart.
Then you will win favor and a good name
in the sight of God and man.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
and He will make your paths straight.

Have no fear of sudden disaster
or of the ruin that overtakes the wicked,
for the Lord will be your confidence
and will keep your foot from being snared."
--Proverbs 3:3-6; 25

"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails."
--Proverbs 19:21

How often do I lean on my own, pitiful understanding? Too often. I love the wording, "love and faithfulness...bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart." The tablet of your heart. What poetry, and what a better image of taking the words to their fullest capacity. It doesn't say, "Hey, write these with a pencil, put some ink on parchment, keep this as a reminder." No, the very mention of a tablet brings to mind carving the words upon stone, something permanent, unchangeable, unforgettable. The weight of these words are incalculable. And these, I think are some core concepts that I do want engraved upon me. Let me never forget that the Lord lavishes me with unending, never ceasing faithfulness, that he adores me, loves me, cherishes me. Let me never forget to trust in Him, despite all that happens in life. Let me trust that He will protect me from disaster, that He will guide my steps, that there is a plan that prevails above all of my meager and flawed desires.

"Not now" has to be one of the most difficult concepts to accept. I'm still struggling with it, even though I know that's the way it should be, that I wasn't just imagining things. My trust is in the Lord. My hope is in the Lord. I give my all to Him. I will acknowledge Him, and He will make my paths straight.